Here it is- Rough Draft (1-8-12) Revised (1-12-12)
Inspired by this song:
Somebody That I Used to Know-Goyte
and Don't Leave Me-Blackstreet (less of this song, however.)
Lost Emeralds
You know man, you really shouldn’t drink this much. You’re going to hurt yourself. How about we go upstairs and walk around for a little bit? Maybe you can clear your thoughts. Good, walk around for a little bit. Try and find your sea legs. I just don't want you to do this to yourself. You're better than this.
"What about it? You just become my Guardian Angel out of nowhere or what? I didn't know I had a Sponsor now. You should have tried to save her instead."
Look, can’t we talk about something else? I know what’s on your mind. Just relax. Put the vodka down Man. Just sit on the couch and check out some ‘toons, okay? Yes, the brown couch in the living room. You’ll be okay, I promise. Just sit down, and relax. Dude, will you just listen to me? I swear alcohol turns you into a mound of spaghetti. Just sit down. Sit down. Sit. There, finally. Jesus, talking to you is harder than talking to my Mother, and she died in 98’.
"Fuckin Couch."
Look man, it’s just a couch. Who cares? Just try to sleep, burn that cheap vodka off. You’re making me dizzy just looking at you. Blubbering fool. Look at you, a grown man crying. It’s a damn shame really; your eyes are so red. If you stared at a mirror you would surely could see some Demons, or maybe only your reflection. It can’t be that bad man. Just stay on the couch. In a few minutes I’ll let you go get some bread. Just try and get the spins to stop man, I hate feeling like I am in a washing machine. You know I hate it, yet you won’t listen to me no matter what I tell you. Shit, if you would have listened to me in the first place, you wouldn’t be here, sobbing like a little school girl. Put the bottle down. Goddamnit. Why don’t you ever listen to me?
"Because you're an asshole and I hate you. I bet this Vodka will shut you up."
Okay, so you’re drunk. We get that. You wish you could do it all over again. I get that. You can’t man. You gotta deal with what’s happened. Shit, you’ve got another 60 years of this miserable existence if you’re lucky. Oh, still crying? C’mon man it was just a joke. Look, let’s just reflect on the good? Surely we can cherish it? C’mon, please; just think about it, it will be fun, I promise.
"I really don't want to talk about it. Last summer..."
My God, was it last only last summer? Really, just this past year-- damn, time really does fly man. I can’t believe how fast it has gone by. Things have changed a little bit haven’t they? That sure was a perfect summer. Man, remember that barbeque. The sizzling steak- Ribeye, right? So juicy. You didn't even have to chew it, it was so tender. Remember how long you spent marinating it? I don’t think anyone was expecting something so delicious. I know I sure wasn’t. And that grilled cinnamon-sugar pineapple?
"Incredible."
I know, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Although, it does remind me of her. That was a pretty cool way to make a first impression, I must admit. You could tell the second it hit her soft lips and those emerald eyes widened and smiled I knew that things were going to be good after all. How in the hell could we both think the same thing at the same time? It was incredible, that smile. Those eyes, I wish you could see your face right now. Grinnin’ just thinking about her. You goof. I don’t remember when she left, but I know you had to see her again. Shit, I wanted to see her again.
"Please, stop talking about her."
Not until I get to the bottom of this, otherwise it will drive me crazy. See, this is what eats me alive… How in the Hell did you two hit it off? I can’t remember. I blame the Vodka. I know she came over with Derek, as soon as you mention ‘food’ and ‘free’ within a few sentences he’s bound to show up. And I know she was friends with Lacey- Loose Lacey. But I don’t remember the second, the third time you guys were together. Put the damn bottle down man. I need to think.
"I wish you would just go away; leave me alone."
I can't, not yet man, were getting close, I can feel it. Life was good, I remember that. So good. You remember when you came home after a late night at work? She was already there, waiting for you. At least, she was hanging out with Kurt, oh yeah, her cousin was in town. Kelly, Ah yes- that was her name. Cute girl, that family had a good bloodline, I swear. She was introducing them to your housemates, I remember now. Kurt, Jackson, and you. Life was good. They were having a blast, Jackson was feeling flirty with Kelly after a few drinks, and perhaps you should have made a move as well? You left, had to go somewhere important. Where the fuck did you have to go at 2 in the morning that was so important? Fuck you vodka. Fuck you. I want to remember. You left, and unbeknownst to you, Kurt seized the opportunity. He knew, she knew; and yet, they still did.
On your couch.
Look man, this is supposed to be positive, just relax. Put the vodka down, you already drank most of it, and you’re a wreck. You didn’t know man, you still loved her. You still do. Why? Why you do you still love her? I know why. When you saw her hair twirl as she turned to face you, hearing your voice. That smile. That feeling as the world stopped and you knew everything was going to be alright. Look into those green eyes. Enchanting. How they burned through you. Melted you.
"You don't know anything about how I felt. It was not like that. You don't know."
I was there, I know. I was there at every point. Haha, remember your first kiss? It was almost juvenile. I knew then that you loved her. You were scared to kiss her. How, of all people, were you scared to kiss a girl? You have never been nervous around women, and here you are. Sitting in your room with Johnny and Laura-Love birds in a world of their own, listening to their lovely advice on how to make the move. Laura was constantly berating you, clearly making fun of you; which, to be fair, was well deserved.
“Just kiss her man, she’s right there on the couch.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t? Just do it.”
“I ca-“
“Just do it, before I kick your ass.” Ah Laura, she couldn't have been more than five feet tall, basically an illegal midget, meant every word behind that statement. Cheeky girl. She has a kid now. Crazy huh?
"Why are you reminding me? I know what I said. I know what she said. Just shut up. Shut up."
Look, I'm telling it how I remember it. This alcohol is starting to make it all fuzzy anyways. I’m just glad you finally grew the cojones man, I was getting impatient. I remember when you left John and Laura to themselves, specifying that there was to be no fluids exchanged while in your bedroom, or you would kick their ass in return. Laura, and her cocky self, called you a puss and was anxiously waiting for you to make your move. That's when you headed upstairs and entered the living room, Jesus there was a lot of people there.
"Yes, it was Jackson's Birthday."
I'm trying to figure out the story man. Let me finish. Where was I? Oh yeah, sure enough, she’s sitting on the couch, eagerly looking at you to join her in discussion. Why were you nervous? Just do it man. You motion and mouth the words “Come here.” She popped up instantly. “I have to tell you a secret, follow me.” You went into Kurt’s nasty room. Immediately regretting the decision since the atmosphere now smelled of sweaty socks and stale pot. This is no place to do it. But there she was, standing. Looking eagerly to what secret awaits her. It was now or never- do or die. I can’t believe you were actually shaking! With a quick motion, you embrace her. And in that glorious moment, your lips connect. As you meet you lose sense of yourself-you don’t know where you end and she begins, nor do you care. It was more incredible than any drug, and as she folded into you, the world paused for a moment. Long enough for you to know; know you loved her.
"Sounds about right."
So why did you cheat on her? Yes asshole, I’m talking to you. Taking a swig of your nasty fucking drink isn’t a good answer. Why, if loved her so much, did you cheat? Why did you ruin something that made you so happy? C’mon dude, staring at the hole in the armrest isn’t getting us anywhere. I still do not know why and I want an answer. Shall we continue down memory lane? Or are you going to puke? I want answers and you haven’t given me something satisfactory.
"I don't want to think about it. Please stop."
Well I do. And we're already this far in. So let’s go through the facts, shall we? You Cheated on her on August 31st. You ruined your perfect summer, with someone who meant nothing to you. You went to see Johnny and Laura the first day back at college and you met some dumb broad with big tits and slippery legs. Did fireworks go off every time you kissed that girl as well? There you go, crying again. Knock it off. Let us carry on, this is getting us nowhere.
"Please."
No, I won't stop. I need to know. I need to know why. I made you tell her, I couldn’t let you lie to those precious green eyes. Besides, if I wouldn’t have made you, Laura would have. There you are, back on your hideous brown couch, crying your eyes out like you are right now. To her. On your disgusting couch. You cheated on her your fucking prick. And you wonder why there was tension? I know how much it hurts, or at least what hurt the most.
She forgave you.
And she did, she truly did. You bastard. That was love right there. The relationship continued, but it was not the same. It did not--could not last. It was a spear into the beasts heart, and you were the one who threw it. But alas, it did not die instantly. God it was so painful, even thinking about it now. You fucked up big time man. In fact, take another drink, I’ll allow it this time.
"I think I'm gonna puke."
Whoa there Cowboy, It's finally catching up to you huh?. Just stay with me a little longer. But if you gotta puke, try not to get it on the Couch. Don't puke, yet. let me finish, I feel like we are so close. Remember back during Labor Day Weekend, camping on the lake? You couldn't have asked for better weather. You said something corny to her father, what did you say again?
“Must have bribed the Weather Man.”
You cheesy bastard. But it really was perfect. I remember soaking my skin in the sun, her head on our chest, finally at peace. It was blissful, elegant. You forgotten the arguments and fighting and could finally enjoy each other’s company. You played with younger kids on the beach and ate well, sharing stories of the past summer and how excited you were for the next one. Then sun was heading to bed when you decided to take a walk to the pier. Good thing I told you to bring her with, moments like these are meant to be shared, and remembered. As you sat on the pier of and watched as the stars emerged. The water was gently lapping against the beach. It was calm, so very calm. And I know that it was when the Milky Way made its way into your vision, that this was beauty; God, even. This was perhaps the most beautiful moment you have ever witnessed, but the feeling was not shared. You looked at her as she seems uninterested, a moment you thought was more beautiful than anything else you have ever experienced and she was bored. It was then, at that moment. When I finally knew...
Knew the beast was finally dead.
Why do you care still man? Why did you decide to lose your mind over her green eyes? There were other women out there. You shouldn’t have left her the flower. A stupid flower won’t magically make things better. Leaving it on her doorstep, you didn’t even have the balls to properly give it back to her. Accept fate already. Let it go. You can’t be friends. The necklace. She won’t be friends. Emerald, sparkling amongst the silver pendant. She can’t be friends. She can’t keep the necklace. The necklace was worth a fortune, given the emerald, which was identical to the two she used to make you fall in love with her. Spent a month working for that necklace, her gift for being the woman you loved. If you wouldn’t have cheated on her, I’m sure she would have cried, it was so incredible. I remember helping you pick it out, god what a flawless stone. It was so beautiful, yet she refused to accept it. I still wish you wouldn’t have thrown it in front of her, that money could have been useful.
"I don't want to live anymore. I need some-hiccup-one."
No, you don't want to kill yourself man. It's just the alcohol talking, making you feel down. You're man enough to face this. Besides, things really settled down from there anyways. Ah, but do you remember the end of December? That party? Worst night of your life, according to you. I personally think it wasn’t all that bad, but I understand I suppose. How many people do you think you had in your house? 100? It seemed like everyone that was anyone was there. All were welcome, to celebrate one last time. Except, who decides to make an appearance? Her. With Kurt.
"Fuck Kurt."
He should have known better, I'm glad he had moved out well before you caught wind of what he did. Moved to a different state. It was probably good for his health. I think was the only thing that kept him alive after you found out. And here he was, back in your house. With the girl you used to love. The girl you cheated on. You know this was a ploy to piss you off, right? I remember you Saying "Goddamnit, this is my house, and my party. I'm going to have a good time." Yet how is it, the girl you used to love is standing across the room from you. So close but impossibly distant. Sitting on a couch with someone you considered a friend. Fuck that couch, you ought to burn it.
hiccup
Anger bubbles and your fists clench. You leave your own party. You walk down the street to try and clear your mind from the alcohol and anger. Why do you care so much? You cheated on her. Slept with someone else. Move on. You punch a tree. The tree wins. It takes Jackson and two other men to try to bring you back in. You’ll get the cops called. If you wouldn’t have listened to me you probably would still be out there. You stupid idiot.
I remember seeing you in the reflection of the window as you went back into your house, party in full swing. Your face red and puffy, want nothing to do with it anyone there. You go downstairs and sit in your room. The best party in town is going on upstairs in your house. Yet you sat there, crying. Somewhere out there is a song written about you. Why are you crying? Alcohol? You’re hurt? How does it feel when you cheated on her? Got some random girl you’ve never met before pregnant. And for what? The girl you love is here. At this very party. At your house. Kissing your old friend, surely. The friend she fucked on your couch. Before you even knew you loved her. Why do you even care?
"Stop talking."
You reach for your phone. How did your vision blur so much? You can’t read the texts . You stop. You see her name. Your heart drops, why did she try to talk to you? She seemed content kissing Kurt earlier. The friend you knew was being used to make you mad. You still hated him regardless. Why does she want to know where you are? You cheated on her. She shouldn’t care. You attempted to text her back, but you’re too drunk. You fucking idiot. If you hadn’t have drank you could send her a coherent message. You were "Donswstaaiwrs.” You fool. That’s not how you fucking spell it. Of course you cheated on her. You can’t even spell downstairs correctly. You should have told her you were dead.
"Stop."
No, I'm not finished with you yet. You were sitting on the edge of the bed. Drunk. Stupid. And then, there she is. But why? Why is she here? Why is she telling you she wants to make it work? She misses you? Why are you crying in front of the girl you cheated on? Why has she moved closer? Why were your cheeks brushing? She kissed you, you sad sonova’ Bitch. And you kissed back. The world whirls. The alcohol has hit with full force. You kissed her back a little hard don’t you think? She didn’t seem to mind. She going for more, your mouth doesn’t satisfy her. She is now the beast, going for your neck. And you’re glad to be relieved of the pain. She’s wearing the necklace. You lay back. She continues, not satisfied with your neck. Suddenly it all seemed as if the roller coaster has looped. Dizzy. How have you gone from happy, to angry, to sad, to this? It’s too much. Fortunately. A pound at the door stops her from getting anything more. You stupidly dress yourself. Relieved for a moment to finally be able breathe.
“Yeah?”
“I’m ready to leave.”
It was Lacey, that whore. She was here to take her away just as thing’s had started to turn around. As she leaves she grabs your hand. She’s not finished with you? You make your way out, you leave your own party-it’s Jacksons problem now. You make your way back to her house. And I make you tell her. I’m sorry. I really am. Please put the bottle down, there’s only a swig left,anyways. I couldn’t let you lie to the woman you loved, not with your necklace on. And you tell her. She says nothing, but as she grabs your hand, you are oblivious to the pain from losing to the tree earlier. It hurts more feeling the guilt of grabbing it back. Don't lie to me, I know it did.You made it to her house more quickly than desired, I remember that. I blame the alcohol. It was as if time jumped, from the car- to the bedroom- to the shower. It’s like you know how your there but don’t remember how you got there. Shit, you probably haven’t been listening to me this whole time. Fuckin vodka man, whiskey is what men drink anyways. You're pathetic man. Get it together.
"I hate you. I hate myself."
Hate is good. You've bottled it up this whole time, it needs to be released. Don’t blame yourself for her passing man. It wasn’t your fault. She didn't do it because of you. I promise. No, don’t blame yourself man. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. She just lost control. Lost hope. No one hates you, not anymore. I promise. It is the time for forgiveness, find peace. When she laid there, the woman you loved. She looked- different. Unreal. You said no words, just stared. The emerald eyes were dulled-empty. This couldn't be her. When you kissed her on the lips-it was cold. Alien. It wasn’t her, she hasn’t passed. But her necklace, her necklace made it real. The stone shone in a cold light. It wasn't the necklace. Like the sunlight through a frosted glass. It was her. The girl I love is dead.
"Shut up. I've had enough of this."
Listen man- what on Earth are you doing with that Gun? Where the Fuck did you get that? Dude! Hold on man let’s just think this through. This won’t bring make things better. Stop crying. You have baby coming. Who cares who the Mother is? Just relax. Please. Put the bottle down. Please, it’s empty anyways. Stop. Please. Think of what you’re doing. Stop! Jesus Christ- What’s wrong with you? Put the gun down. Put it down. She doesn’t want this! Please. Please. Don’t do it. Put it down! Put it down!
love. love. love. love. love.x10000.
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