Okay Mr. Gay

            Ah la, la. I haven't written anything scandalous lately. I need something to bitch about. Hmmm, what's something I hate? Online Job Applications. Those fucking suck. Hmm, no, I can whine about that, but not for very long. Since I love to bitch about everyone else I've decided I am  going to turn the tables and will whine about myself. Perhaps about how I am never going to be successful and how I will fail miserably at all of my dreams. My reasoning is very simple, if I suck as much as I say I do then I can say I told you so; and if and when I exceed my expectations, then that's just kickass. However, I am a person with realistic expectations and do not like to lie to myself. I am a firm believer in exceeding expectations, beatings goals, and accomplishing things. However, I am not one to be 'hopeful" in situations. It may have kept the Jews alive in Auschwitz, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to help me write a book.
            Now, I am going to list the top 5 excuses that are "preventing" me from reaching where I want to be. They are in no particular order, or importance. In fact, they're just the first five things to come to my mind. Here they are now :

1.            I am completely broke. As in, I could not sustain my life if I wasn't living at my Momma's (Love ya Mom). And if she goes, I may as well sleep on the streets. You can't have growth towards a goal if you can't meet basic life needs. 
2.            I don't exactly know what the fuck I truly want. I'm 19. I don't know jack shit about anything. I listed earlier that I want to own a advertising agency, be a model, write a book, and make a sculpture. Well, I may as well tie a rope to each limb and quarter myself using a bunch of Horses. Everyone of those things would require effort in a different direction, and a LOT of attention. 
3.           I am an entirely unfocused shit head. Yes, I  probably have a.d.d (self diagnosed-so don't take me srysly) and can't pay attention to save my life. In the attempt to write this last sentence I have checked 3 different websites. I also lose a lot of shit, all the time. If I did get the opportunity to ask God one question at the Pearly Gates, I would without a doubt, ask him where the FUCK all of my stuff disappeared too. Seriously, does it just grow legs and walk away? Think of every single thing you've lost, where the hell has it gone? Blaaaaaah. I just lost a notebook with 4 months of Journal entries in it and I'm bitter.
4.          I am always tired. I blame puberty. But honestly, it makes me sad. I cannot stay awake for longer than 6 hours without needing a nap, and that's including a full nights sleep +1 hour usually. However, given the lack of structure in my life, it generally means that I am always awake at all hours of the day and night generally, except for 6am-10am. But how in the hell can I get 8 to 10 hours of sleep daily and still be tired all day? I'd invest in Coffee if it wasn't for #1.
5.          I am generally all around self destructive. Fortunately, within the last year or so. I dropped pretty much anything criminally related. Shit is whack, dawg. Really the only thing you can catch me doing every now and then is speeding or having alcohol in my bloodstream (Seriously how the fuck did it get in there? I don't know Officer, I swear I was sober a second ago.) And after 21 I join Alcoholics Unanimous and I get to sit back and laugh at all the 15 year old girls who puke after drinking Pucker and UV Blue. But besides crime, my entire life has been a constant state of one step forward, and five steps back.

           There, feels good to vent. Those reasons above are why I am a loser. Thank you for reading, feel free to judge me anytime. Now what is the point of me writing right now? Am I going to come up with five ways on how I am going to redeem myself and become successful? No. Obviously. How the fuck can I give advice when I don't know exactly what is going to work? The solutions to my problems are pretty easy. Get a good job, work on one goal at a time, pay more attention/get a prescription to Adderall (Mmmm Meth.) Wake up and go to bed at the same time every night. And stop being stupid and make good choices. Seems fairly simple, right? Yeah, I'll start doing those just as easily as you could start flossing everyday.
           Here's what I can say for sure, that the rough motherfuckin' draft of my story will get done. They say that loose lips sink ships, and that may be correct, but I don't care, it sounds good to say out loud. I also said in one of my first posts about not bitching about something and to just do it. So, there it is. This rough motherfuckin' draft will be done well, and it will be  motherfuckin' beautiful. I know what I need to do from here, so you just sit back, and enjoy whatever I decide to bitch about tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after that. Meanwhile, I'll figure my shit out, and will do my best to entertain you motherfuckin'  children.

Also, adding the word motherfuckin' between anything instantly makes everything sound way more motherfuckin'cooler. I know what my next child's middle name is going to be ....