Goodnight

Sorry Children, no rant tonight.

I really don't have anything to talk about. I am not angry at the moment. I have nothing to criticize. I know that is not what my four readers want to hear, but its true. Every single night cannot be New Years, or the Fourth of July- brilliant, and exciting. However I will keep putting letters on the page, because who knows when something incredible may come again? Maybe if I keep babbling on, and on I will produce something sexy.

I'll tell you guys something about me that isn't much of a secret. I feel weird. Different, than I did a year ago. Perhaps it is just part of growing up but it just seems to me like the things I used to enjoy doing are no longer a big deal. It's disinheartening, because if fate will allow it, I've got another 80 years to go! I sit back and ponder all the time, after you own a House, and a nice vehicle. What is there really to do to enjoy yourself? I personally love to travel, but what do I do if even that gets old? And of course, there is always raising a family and living through your work&hobbies. But I need more than that. I want greatness. Not in a sense of fame, not in a sense of wealth. But fulfillment. I want to die in my rocking chair after reliving my lifes memories. Not screaming for a do-over. I want to go, "damn. there is literally nothing else I could have done more. I'm ready to go now, thanks for everything."

Speak with your elders. I talk to my family every day. I want to learn as much as I can from them. Soon I will be in their shoes and some young idiot will be asking me all of these questions, and I'll be forced to love him. But I have spoke with people who have achieved a sense of fulfillment, and those desperate for more, whether at 18 or 88. Not to sound like a mopey 19 year old kid. But this point in my life sucks. Not because of my age, not because of not having money; because of how much potential has been wasted and continues to be each day. A year ago, I felt like I learned something new everyday. Now the days just blur and I feel as if I'll wake up at 54 wondering what the hell just happened, who is this woman next to me? And why does everyone keep calling her "Mrs. Rice?" I want everyday to go as slow as possible. Groundhogs Day; A chance to figure it out before it's too late. But we don't get that chance, and that's why people curse God on their deathbeds.

I am happy. Everyday is awesome. But I am empty. I do not know what I am after, but I know that right now, this is not enough.

Let's go on an adventure.